Second of all… you are brave!
Third of all… there is some stuff you should know about me…
I create lists. Why? I don’t know. They calm my anxieties. They keep me organized. They keep me focused. They keep me productive. Lists is my strategy for everything. My plan for attack usually looks like a list.
I don’t know if you are anything like me but I know what I want and more important… I know what I need. No, my list has not always looked this way. In fact, The Lord has changed my heart over and over and over and I THANK THE LORD. I would have hated if right now I was married to a super rich, tall, green eyes, guy who had me in a super big home doing nothing. I would probably be empty inside and away from my Father.
I have an extremely BIG fear of commitment. I do!
My biggest fear is to marry someone who is wrong for me.
My biggest fear is to divorce and for my kids to live in a “broken” home or in a home where the mother and the father cannot stand each other.
My biggest fear is to do the marriage thing wrong.
See why the prayer list? see why I find the marriage thing something super scary and worth praying for it like a maniac?
My biggest desire is to leave a legacy in this earth that will continue to bring people to Christ and I would love for the Lord to use my marriage and my offspring for that… besides of all the extra ministry I am hoping to do with my husband.
I could have been married by now if I didn’t have this list.
So when I post about wanting to be married, I am not lying. Gosh!!! I wish I was married… BUT I WILL NOT RUSH INTO ANYTHING.
I don’t go with my day actively looking for a husband but I AM ACTIVELY LOOKING FOR GUIDANCE… thats the difference.
So… here is what I am looking for…
ready? you might want to sit down for this one.
Jesus is your first love not me
Oh this is hard for me to say and to even want, but I honestly need for you to love Jesus more than me. I have the tendency to want attention more than I need. I have the tendency to make everything about me. I need you to have a strong desire to do what God calls you to do. I need to know that you will not back down when it comes to God. I need to know that when you and I are doing ministry, you will not give up. You will not give up on the mission. I know you will make mistakes. I will learn along with you. I don’t care about that… but I need to know that you will not fall out of love with Jesus. I REALLY need you to love Him more than me! Because I want you to push me to do things that are going to be scary, difficult and challenging… and I am not going to like BUT they will bring GLORY to our Father!!! I really don’t want to slow you down. And even tho I love getting flowers and the attention, I would rather you keeping me focused on eternity and God’s mission!!!
You don’t have a casual view of God
I need you to fear the Lord. I need you to be dependent of His word. I need you to want to pray. I need you to see His mission as your mission. I need you to trust Him. I need you to have faith in Him. I need you want to obey Him.
You will protect me
No, I am not talking about you using your karate moves to kick someone’s butt… although that would be super cool and super sexy… not gonna lie. BUT I mean I need you to protect my walk with the Lord by helping me not to sin, protect my body by respecting it, protect my heart by loving me, protect my mind by encouraging me, protect my feelings by being honest, protecting our home by being the man of the house.
And that you would protect my ministry by praying for me when I am out in “battle”.
You will provide for me
where do I start?
I need you to provide Biblical correction in my life. I am going to mess up often but I am willing to learn.
I need you to provide a safe loving and forgiving environment.
I need you to know you will provide for your home. Yup! I like to eat. Yup! I like to have a bed to sleep on.
You see me the way God sees me
I have way too much baggage. I am severely broken. I have been damaged by rejection SEVERAL times. I have a very low self-esteem that I try to disguise by jokes and laughter. I don’t see myself beautiful… but I see myself as powerful. I do see myself as a strong woman. Don’t be confused by the selfies I constantly take. Remember that I told you I need attention more than I should? I am my worst critic. I am my worst enemy at times. I strive for perfection and I tantrum when I don’t reach it!
This is all I want!!!! This is all I REALLY need. I don’t need the tall guy. I don’t need the green eyes. I don’t need the handsome guy. I NEED the Godly guy.
This is the part where you disappear. It’s ok… I won’t hold it against you. In fact, if you are not completely sold out by this checklist… please DISAPPEAR!!!
You might be thinking. “Geez Esli, all I wanted was to date you not marry you!”
I get it!
I don’t want to marry right away. Remember how afraid of commitment I am? But what’s the point then?
I have no time for distractions!!! There way too many places where a MicroSite can be planted!! There are way too many people dying and going to hell. There are way to many orphans that need agape love. There are way too many single women discouraged and not focusing on what real life is all about. I HAVE A LOT TO DO. So please yeah… leave! My Father’s glory is at stake!!!
And also… I know dating someone who is constantly posting her thoughts on blogs and social media is toooooo MUCH to ask… but THIS is one of my missions for right now and I am not backing down.
Words mean nothing to me. I need actions.
I don’t know how to process words.
I am told that I am nice, awesome, and even beautiful…
then why am I single?
By you telling me how awesome you are, what you are good at, and how much you love Christ… you are making me trust you less… I need to see it for myself.
I hope you get inspired by this checklist.
And I pray that you look at yours and take all the physical appearance crap out of it. That’s pure flesh. That’s your lust. All the material stuff that will not help you with your sanctification.
But fill your list with things that will help you be a better you…A more Godly you.